


Make It Up To You

by ashilrak



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Implied/Vague Sexual Content, Infidelity, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-02
Updated: 2017-10-02
Packaged: 2019-01-08 08:35:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12250812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashilrak/pseuds/ashilrak
Summary: Alex pressed the heels of his hand against his eyes, the pressure giving him something to focus on. “I can’t keep doing this,” he breathed out. “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, but I can’t stop.”





	Make It Up To You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Caesar_salad](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caesar_salad/gifts).



They were in a coffee shop, sitting by the window and debating over their lattes with the Saturday morning sun streaming in. The warm rays were reflecting off of Thomas’ eyes, and there was something about the sight that had Alex’s heart feeling full.

“I love you,” he said, the words tumbling out before he could think to stop them.

Thomas froze, stopping mid-sentence, mouth hanging open.

Alex blinked.

Thomas gathered himself. “Are you okay?” he asked. “You didn’t just…”

“I did,” Alex said, nodding. There was no point in taking the words back now, not with how right they felt.

“You...you love me?” Thomas asked, voice a whisper.

Alex nodded, smiling wide. “I do. I am in love with you, Thomas Jefferson.”

Thomas’ answering smile was brighter than the sun and all the stars combined. He was stunning. Perfect. Thomas Jefferson was perfect.

\---

“Alright, so you gotta tell me about this guy of yours,” John said, leaning toward Alex.

“I don’t know what you want me to say.” Alex emptied his beer and set the bottle down on the table. “He’s incredible. Some of his ideas don’t make any sense, but how he debates...it’s perfect. We’ve spent hours just talking!” Alex leaned in closer to John. “I feel like he’s the one.”

John raised a brow, something flashing in his eyes. “It’s been a week.”

“It’s just a sense.” Alex could feel the smile spreading wide across his face. “Thomas is it for me. I’m in love with him. I’m actually in love with him.”

“Alex…”

He sighed and looked to the side out the window. Thomas was perfect. Too perfect. “I don’t deserve him,” he breathed out. “I’m going to fuck it up, something’s going to ruin everything.”

John moved a hand to Alex’s knee. “Don’t say that, that’s not true.”

Alex shook his head and looked at John, his smile now gone. “It always does,” he said. “I can’t do anything to stop it. I ruin everything.”

“No,” John said, leaning forward. “You haven’t ruined me.”

Had they not been starting on their second six-pack, Alex might have known to push John away and call an uber, but they were and he didn’t.

John’s lips were soft, tasting of beer and the salty pretzels they’d been snacking on. Alex should have listened to the voice telling him to leave, but there was something freeing in ignoring it.

\---

Alex couldn’t have stopped the tears from streaming down his face if he had tried.

“Why are you crying?” Thomas asked, smiling down at him. “Today’s supposed to be a happy day.”

“It is.” Alex nodded and reached for Thomas’ hand and pressed a kiss to the palm. “I love you so much. You’re beautiful.”

Thomas pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “I love you too.”

“What have I ever done to deserve you?” Alex asked, voice filled with wonder. “You’re perfect. Much too good for me.”

“That’s not true at all,” Thomas said. He pressed another kiss to Alex’s lips. “I’m exactly the right amount of good for you, just like you’re the exact right amount of good for me.”

Something in Alex’s chest crumpled in on itself.

“Now,” Thomas said, smiling his wide, sunshine smile. “How would you like to go greet our guests with me, husband mine?”

Alex matched Thomas’ grin and ran his thumb over the new ring on Thomas’ finger. “I’d love to.”

\---

“Alex,” Thomas called into the apartment as he walked in. “I ordered Chinese on the way over, figured we could...stay...in…”

John froze on top of Alex, ceasing the rolling motions of his hips.

Alex cleared his throat and looked over John’s shoulder. He took in a deep lungful of air and said, “hello. I wasn’t expecting you so early.”

Thomas turned around. “We’re talking about this. Now.”

“Leave,” Alex said to John. “I’ll take care of this.”

John’s eyes were wide. “But…”

“Go,” he repeated. “And don’t call me.”

The minutes ticked by and as soon as the door clicked shut behind him, Thomas turned to face Alex, eyes shining with unshed tears. “Of all the things I had imagined happening tonight, this wasn’t one of them.”

Alex stood up. “Thomas, it wasn’t-”

“Don’t tell me it wasn’t what it looked like!” Thomas’ voice was sharp, filling the room. “Your best man was sitting on your dick and you expect me to believe you when you tell me it wasn’t what it looked like?!”

“I’m sorry,” Alex said. He took a step forward, reaching a hand out to wrap around Thomas’ wrist. He fell to his knees. “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. You deserve better.” He pressed his forehead to Thomas’ hip. “You deserve so much better,” he said, voice breaking on the last word. “I’m so sorry. How can I make it up to you?”

"Never do it again."

\---

Alex’s chest was heaving and tears were streaming from the corners of his eyes, the taste of Washington thick on his tongue.

Washington’s hand trace over the side of his face, finger lingering at the corner of his mouth. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

Alex shook his head. “No, sir,” he said. “It was perfect.”

“Come up here,” Washington said. “You were so good for me, after all.”

His cock was aching, and Washington’s touch was always so good, but Alex shook his head. “No, I’ve got to get going,” he said. He moved his hands to Washington’s knees and got up from his kneeling position, Washington’s hands going to his hips. He pressed a kiss to Washington’s lips and said, “when I do touch myself, I’ll be thinking about you. It’ll be your name on my lips, sir.”

Washington’s eyes darkened. “You’re not making it easy for me to let you go.”

“And you’re not making it easy to leave.” Alex leaned forward for another, deeper kiss. He pulled away. “But that doesn’t change that I have to go.”

Alex stepped away, and Washington’s hand went around his wrist. “He doesn’t treat you right, you know,” Washington said. “If he did, you wouldn’t keep coming back to me.”

“Thomas treats me just fine,” Alex said. “This has nothing to do with Thomas and everything to do with me, Sir.”

\---

“You know,” Thomas said, breaking the ten minutes of tense silence. “I’d really appreciate it if you at least made the attempt to pretend you weren’t regularly cheating on me.”

Alex looked at Thomas over his glass of wine. “We can’t all get what we want.”

“It’s our anniversary, Alexander.”

He reached over and grabbed Thomas’ hand, running his thumb over Thomas’ knuckles. “It is.”

Thomas pulled his hand away. “Why do you always do this?”

“It won’t happen again, I promise,” Alex said, voice low.

They both knew it was a lie.

“Fine,” Thomas said. He looked back down at the menu. “What are you getting?”

\---

“How much longer do you think the thing with Jefferson is actually going to last?” John asked, admiring his nails.

“That ‘thing’ you speak of is my marriage,” Alex shot back, looking up from buttoning his shirt.

John snorted. “When was the last time you actually fucked your husband?”

“That’s none of your business,” Alex muttered

John shook his head. “Considering I’ve been fucking you at least twice a week for the past couple of years or so, I’d say it’s very much my business.”

“No one’s making you do that,” Alex said. “If you really have such a problem with it, no one’s forcing you to come here.”

“Oh no,” John said. “Trust me, if I didn’t want to be here, I wouldn’t be. But, I will say that I think this farce of a marriage you keep trying to maintain is worth jack shit.”

“Like yours is any better?” Alex asked, brow quirked.

John’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t talk about Martha like that,” he said. “Besides, at least I have the excuse of my father forcing us together despite the distinct lack of sexual compatibility. But you? You keep thinking you’re actually in love with your husband.”

“And I am!” Alex said, much louder than intended.

“We’ve been fucking since before you got married!” John was just as loud. “If you’re really in love with him, it’s about time you fucking acted like it!”

\---

Alex pressed the heels of his hand against his eyes, the pressure giving him something to focus on. “I can’t keep doing this,” he breathed out. “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, but I can’t stop.”

Eliza sighed. “You can do anything you put your mind toward,” she said, patting his shoulders. “It’s what’s so great about you.”

He shook his head. “But why can’t I do this? Thomas doesn’t deserve this.”

“No,” she agreed. “He doesn’t.”

“I love him so much,” Alex said, looking up. He pressed his hands down hard against his knees. “I don’t think he knows that, doesn’t believe it anymore. He doesn’t touch me anymore, barely looks at me.”

Eliza frowned at him as she pushed a piece of hair behind his ear. “You haven’t give him much reason to.”

A sob filled the room, coming from Alex’s chest.

Eliza brought him close and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “You’re going to need to figure something out. He’s not going to put up with you much longer.”

“I love him,” Alex managed through his sobs. “I love him so much.”

\---

“I was wondering if I would run into you today,” George whispered, breath ghosting hot over Alex’s ear.

“Oh,” Alex breathed out. “Did you go out of your way to run into me, sir?”

“And if I did?”

He swallowed. “I’d be flattered to know you’ve missed me so much,” he said.

George laughed and squeezed Alex’s hips. “You haven’t been answering me. You haven’t visited me once. My cock misses your ass, and your mouth…”

“I’m more than willing to make it up to you,” Alex said, the words tumbling out before he could think to stop them.

“Just what I wanted to hear.”

\---

Thomas leaned back in the chair, shifting his weight to the side. “You know why I’m here.”

Alex shrugged. “I can guess, but I want to hear it from you.”

“I want to get a divorce,” Thomas said. He looked weary now, the previous composure faded away. His hands were fisting the fabric of his dress pants, and his eyes were fixated on some point on the wall to his side. “I can’t do this anymore. Every time I come home I wonder if I’m going to find you in bed with someone else.”

“Thomas-”

“No!” Thomas said, voice sharp. “You don’t get to talk! You always talk! You always make me believe that it will be okay!” Thomas looked straight at Alex and leaned forward, eyes full of feeling. “You talk and talk and talk and you make me believe that it’s never going to happen again, but then the very next day I come visit you here and will find you with some person who I’ve never seen before with their lips wrapped around your dick!”

Alex stood up, but before he could walk around the desk Thomas was up and by the door. “No, Alex. This is it. I don’t want to see you at my office, I don’t want to see you at home. You can call James to work out a time to get your stuff out of the apartment. I’m sure one of your regular lovers will give you a place to crash for a night or two. The next time we meet it will be to sign the divorce papers, is that clear?”

“But-”

“No buts.” Thomas looked pained, his face twisted as he tried to stop some emotion from overcoming him. “I love you, I still do. I don’t want to do this, but I can’t...this isn’t working.”

Alex rushed forward and wrapped a hand around Thomas’ wrists. “What can I do to make this better? How can I make it up to you?” Thomas couldn’t leave him, he couldn’t. “I’ll do anything, I promise.”

Thomas shut his eyes for a moment. He looked back at Alex and pulled his wrist away. “I want to believe that,” he said. “I really, really do. But I can’t. I can’t because I’ve believed you too many times and everytime it ends up hurting more than the last.”

“Thomas-”

“No.” Thomas pulled the door open. “Goodbye, Alex.”

Alex dropped to his knees, his lips forming words, but no sound coming out.

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to come pester me at my [tumblr](http://ashilrak.tumblr.com)! :^))
> 
> <3 <3 <3 <3 <3


End file.
